Why Do Black Men Hate Black Women?

As a Black mother raising a beautiful Black girl, I often think about the world she will grow up in. I want her to grow into a strong, confident, and successful Black woman, but I also know the harsh reality she may face. The hatred and mistreatment of Black women don’t just come from outside our community it often starts from within. It’s heartbreaking because the very men who should love, honor, and protect us Black men are sometimes the ones who hurt us the most.

I remember a time when my daughter, Kamela, came home from school in tears. She had always gravitated toward some Mexican girls in her class, and I thought it was sweet how they would call her name ‘Kameela’—a mispronunciation of her unique name that I would laugh at, thinking it was cute. She wore her hair in braids, a style that helped keep it out of her face since she played sports and I never wanted her to have to keep adjusting it during the day. But one day, she came home upset. The boys in her class, the Black boys, were teasing her, calling her ‘Shanaynay,’ and laughing at her, calling her ‘bald-headed.

It broke my heart because Kamela’s hair is long and beautiful, and she is far from bald. I braided it simply to keep it neat and out of her face, but the cruelty of the boys, who shared the same Black heritage as her, stung deeply. I tried to fix it by getting her a silk press, even though I knew it was wrong. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to conform to fit in, but I couldn’t bear to see my baby hurting. The fact that it was her own people, the ones who should have understood and uplifted her, making her feel like she wasn’t enough that hurt me even more.

It made me realize just how deep the division is, even among our own. Kamela’s beauty, her Blackness, should have been celebrated, not ridiculed. This experience opened my eyes to how Black children, especially Black girls, can be torn down by their own peers. And it’s a pattern that I see repeating itself over and over again in our communities. The need to put each other down, especially when we don’t fit into someone else’s box, is a problem we need to address—because when we tear each other down, we’re only helping the world continue its cycle of oppressing us.

The Root of the Problem

Many Black boys are raised by single mothers. Logically, you would think that being raised by a Black woman would make them grow to love and cherish Black women. But to my surprise, it’s often those same boys who grow up to become the most hateful toward us. Why?

Historically, Black women have always been at the forefront of the fight for justice. During slavery, during the Civil Rights Movement, and even during the Black Lives Matter protests, it was Black women who sacrificed for Black men. We have always fought for them, yet we are the demographic most disrespected by them.

Tupac once asked in his song Keep Ya Head Up:

“And since we all came from a woman

Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman

I wonder why we take from our women

Why we r**e our women, do we hate our women?”

And that question still lingers today. Why does the world, and more painfully, our own men, hate Black women?

The Lack of Protection for Black Women

Kamala Harris’ run for president showed me how much the world dislikes Black women. No matter what you think of her politics, the disrespect she faced was unlike anything we had ever seen before.

Megan Thee Stallion was shot, and when she spoke up about it, people—especially Black men—laughed, questioned her, and blamed her. Why? Why is it that when a Black woman is a victim, she is still treated like the villain? Are Black women beneath protection?

It often feels like Black men are in competition with Black women rather than standing beside us. The stronger and more independent we are, the more the world wants to humble us. Society tells us that Black women don’t deserve the fruits of our labor, don’t deserve protection, don’t deserve love.

Black Love and the Struggle for Respect

Dating as a Black woman comes with battles that shouldn’t exist. If you’re a Black woman dating a Black man, you often have to prove yourself worthy—sometimes by enduring pain first. Black women are tired of fighting to be loved. That’s why we’re expanding our options and choosing to love who truly loves us.

Black men aren’t showing up for Black women the way we show up for them. They aren’t protecting us, standing up for us, or valuing us the way we deserve. As The Color Purple famously said, “A girl child ain’t safe in a house full of men.” That statement still holds truth today.

The Erasure of Black Women’s Contributions

From our physical bodies to our intellectual contributions, Black women have always been the backbone of progress. The advancements in gynecology were built on the suffering of Black women whose bodies were experimented on without consent. Black women have always been the voices for freedom, yet we rarely reap the benefits of the battles we fight.

Jasmine Crockett put it best: Black women have to work twice as hard just to get half as much. We have to fight for everything—our income, our safety, and even love. Meanwhile, Black men will often marry white women just to gain proximity to whiteness, seeking validation in the very system that oppresses us all.

And yet, in tragic irony, some of these same Black men become victims of the very women they placed above us. The story of Hannah Cobb is just one example. It makes you wonder: Is it self-hatred? Have Black men internalized the racism they’ve endured for so long that they now take it out on us? Are they trying to beat the oppressor to the punch?

Why Is the World Obsessed with Humbling Black Women?

Black women give birth to world leaders. We are the nurturers of the next generation. So why is the world so determined to humble us, hurt us, and erase us?

We deserve better. We deserve love, respect, and protection—not just from the world but from our own community.

To My Queens

To my fellow Black women: You are powerful beyond measure. The world may try to humble you, silence you, and make you feel unworthy, but you are divine. You are the backbone of families, the leaders of movements, and the innovators of culture.

Your strength is not a burden—it is a gift. You do not have to shrink yourself to be loved, and you do not have to endure pain to prove your worth. Stand tall in your excellence, protect your peace, and know that you are seen, valued, and deeply loved. Black women, we are not alone—we have each other, and together, we are unstoppable.

For too long, the world has beaten Black women down so much that we’ve been conditioned to compete with one another instead of standing together. We’ve allowed artificial divisions—light skin vs. dark skin, African vs. Caribbean, natural hair vs. relaxed hair—to separate us. We’ve been made to believe that there isn’t enough room for all of us to shine, so we gatekeep beauty secrets, compare struggles, and tear each other down instead of lifting each other up. But the truth is, when we fight each other, we are only doing the world’s work for them. We are all Black women, and no matter where we come from or how we look, we deserve unity, not division.”

The sad reality is, these divisions didn’t start with us. For centuries, society has told us that some of us are more desirable than others. Colorism, texturism, and featurism have been weaponized against us, creating insecurities where there should be pride. Instead of embracing our collective beauty, we are encouraged to judge each other’s skin tones, hair textures, and body types. But why should we let a world that has never truly loved us dictate how we see each other? Black women are not in competition we are all worthy, all beautiful, and all deserving of love and success.”

This ‘pick me’ culture, where some women put others down just to be chosen by men, has to end. A man’s validation does not determine our worth. We should never feel like we have to compete for love, because the right love will never require us to dim another woman’s light. The days of cutting each other down at the knees must be over. It’s okay to be a ‘girl’s girl.’ It’s okay to uplift another Black woman without feeling like it takes something away from you. There is space for all of us to thrive, to be beautiful, to be successful, and to be loved. When we stand together, we are unstoppable. If we lose each other, we have nothing so let’s choose sisterhood over competition every time.

Imagine how powerful we would be if we truly had each other’s backs. If we celebrated each other’s wins instead of feeling threatened. If we freely shared knowledge—whether it’s about career opportunities, financial growth, or hair and beauty tips—because we understand that another Black woman’s success does not take away from our own. There is abundance in sisterhood. There is strength in standing together. Black women, we do not need to be humbled—we need to be uplifted, protected, and empowered. And that starts with us choosing each other, every single time.

I want to hear your thoughts. Why do you think Black women are treated this way? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

Love you dearly, talk to you soon.

#BlackWomenMatter #ProtectBlackWomen #SupportBlackWomen #BlackExcellence #BlackEmpowerment #BlackLove #BlackIdentity #SelfLove #StopMisogynoir #BlackFeminism #Intersectionality #LetsTalkAboutIt #OpenDiscussion #BlackVoices #UnapologeticallyBlack

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