Navigating Self-Doubt, Dreams, and My Journey in Social Work

How’s everyone doing today? I had my internship interview with Hennepin County, and honestly, I’ve been on edge all day. While I was excited about it, my PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) made me feel incredibly anxious. I know this opportunity is a big step for me, so missing it was not an option. My anxiety fluctuated throughout the day, but I pushed through and got it done.

Now, I find myself battling self-doubt was it my PMDD clouding my thoughts, or did I genuinely not perform well? It’s tough to tell, but I’m trying to stay positive and focus on my long-term goal: entering the Social Work field. Right now, I’m drawn to the reunification process in Child Protection, but I can’t help but wonder am I reaching too high? Or do I just believe I can achieve anything, and that’s okay?

The Dreams I Once Had

I’ve never really shared this before, but growing up, I wanted to be a big-time singer. I spent my childhood writing songs, dreaming of success in music. Even now, I wonder if it’s something I could still pursue. I was also deeply passionate about content creation, which led me to build a successful YouTube channel with 11K subscribers until it was taken away from me overnight.

I fought hard to get it back, but no one listened. I can’t help but feel like being a Black content creator made me invisible to YouTube’s policies. It was heartbreaking. Now, I have a new channel, but I don’t put as much energy into it. It feels like a hobby rather than a real pursuit because at any moment, it could be taken away again.

The Importance of Stability

This experience is why I’ve poured so much energy into my education. I want security. I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt safe financially or emotionally in any relationship. That’s why earning my degree is so important to me.

In December, I’ll be graduating with my bachelor’s degree, and my plan is to pursue a Master’s in Social Work. I want a career where I can take care my daughter without relying on income-based housing. Right now, I live in a system where the state helps support me, but my goal is to be completely independent.

Concerns About Child Welfare and Burnout

Although I’m interested in Child Welfare and Child Protection, nearly every social worker I’ve spoken to warns me about burnout. It’s discouraging to hear that so many in the field don’t love their jobs they just tolerate them for a paycheck. It makes me question if I’m making the right choice.

I don’t want to be easily influenced, though. I want to experience it for myself and see if it’s the right path for me. That’s why this internship is such a big deal. Even though I’m doubting myself because of PMDD, I know this is a chance to gain direct experience and see if I can build a future in this field.

Preparing for My Professional Future

To make the best impression, I’ve been working on my wardrobe buying new outfits, scarves, shoes, glasses, and hair accessories to look and feel professional. I also want to expand my vocabulary and improve my speech, so I’m considering taking classes or seminars. I’ve noticed I use filler words like “like” and “um” too much, and I want to sound confident and well-spoken in professional settings.

Reading more is also on my to-do list, but it can be overwhelming. Sometimes, when there’s too much to process, it feels like I’m reading just to consume information rather than truly understand it. I’m hoping to find a balance between reading, watching educational videos, and learning in a way that works best for me.

Staying Hopeful and Looking Ahead

Even though I don’t know what the future holds, I want to be optimistic. I’m applying for other opportunities just in case this internship doesn’t work out. But if it does, it could be the foundation for a long-term career in Child Protection.

I’m also thinking about my daughter’s future. I want to provide for her, maybe even send her to a private school where she can build strong friendships and have access to a great curriculum. I want to create a life where I don’t just survive I thrive.

Being an Inspiration

Beyond my own goals, I want to be an inspiration for my daughter, my nieces, and nephews. As Liberian immigrants, I want them to see that we can succeed in America. We can build careers, gain financial independence, and create the lives we dream of.

Right now, one of my nieces is struggling she dropped out of school, and my mom is pressuring her to either finish or get a job and move out. I hoped that me pursuing my degree would inspire her, but I’m not sure if she sees me as a role model. I just want her to know that education can open doors.

Final Thoughts

I don’t know exactly where my journey will take me, but I know I’m going to keep reaching for the sky. Whether it’s through Social Work, content creation, or something I haven’t even considered yet, I’m determined to build a secure and fulfilling future for myself and my daughter.

I’ll keep you all updated on my internship results hopefully, I’ll have good news soon!

#SocialWork #PMDD #CareerGoals #BlackContentCreator #EducationMatters #SelfDoubt #FinancialIndependence #InternshipJourney #ParentingLife #LiberianImmigrant #WomenInSocialWork

 If you want to follow my journey or just want to chat, you can find me on social media. I’d love to connect with you!

• Facebook: Follow me on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091134962245&mibextid=LQQJ4d)

• X: Join me on X ( https://x.com/morgathac/status/1761961898717622289?s=46)

• Instagram: Follow my Instagram (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091134962245&mibextid=LQQJ4d)

• TikTok: Check out my TikTok (https://www.tiktok.com/@demandmoexhilaratedytube?_t=ZP-8tllw4Y8J5z&_r=1

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