You Deserve It All And You Should Never Settle

March 15, 2025

Growing up, I always heard people tell me I needed to be patient with my daughter’s father. He just didn’t know any better, they said. He didn’t have the tools.

There were stories about how he struggled as a child, how he had to be on Ritalin, how his grandmother had him in a mental health facility until his mother pulled him out. He was on Social Security for a long time, and there were whispers about how his mental health wasn’t the best—how he used to dissect animals he found outside on Halloween.

I was told he wasn’t all there, so I had to be understanding. And because I was “put together,” because I didn’t have his struggles, I was expected to pay the price for that perfection.

Excuses Weren’t Enough

Every time he failed to step up as a father, people told me I had to be patient. I had to understand. Because that’s just who he is.

I believed it for a long time. Until he had another child.

For years, I carried the responsibility—not just for him, but for his family, too. They were labeled as low-income, while mine, though not rich, knew the value of hard work. My mom worked at nursing homes and group homes, as did my aunts. I was raised knowing that no matter what, you worked hard.

But I didn’t see that same work ethic in his family. They lost jobs or quit jobs because they smoked too much marijuana. And I was told, “You have to understand.

At my baby shower, my family did everything—planned, paid, prepared. His family showed up with gifts. But when it came to actually supporting me? Silence.

For everything concerning my daughter, my family handled it. His family? Criticized from the sidelines. The only thing they were consistent about was Christmas gifts—and even those were last-minute. But I was told to understand.

But Now That He Has Another Child…

Now, I see the difference.

The same people who told me to understand are making sure his new child gets everything.

The father he should’ve been to our daughter? He’s showing up for someone else’s child.

I was told he couldn’t do it, but now I’m watching him do it.

Nobody was there for me when I was postpartum. Nobody helped me when I was planning for my baby. I carried the burden alone.

But for this new child, there’s help. There’s family. There’s effort.

And I won’t lie it hurts.

I’m Trying Not to Be Resentful

I’m trying not to resent what should have been mine.

I’m trying not to resent what my daughter missed out on.

I’m trying not to resent the fact that I believed a lie.

Most of all, I’m trying not to resent myself for choosing him to be her father.

Because I see it now—the issue was never that he couldn’t be a father. It’s that he wouldn’t be a father to my child.

You Deserve More—Demand It

If there’s one thing I want other women to take from this, it’s this:

You deserve the best. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for expecting more.

People will tell you to be patient, to understand, to settle. Don’t listen.

Expect, require, and demand what you deserve—in your relationships, your career, your life, and for your children.

Because once you settle, it becomes a domino effect. And I refuse to settle ever again.

I deserve love.

I deserve care.

I deserve a partner who meets me at my level of hard work.

And if someone can’t meet me there? Then they can walk away—without me feeling guilty, without me feeling less than, and without me carrying the burden alone.

That’s my message to you.

Thank you for reading. I love you all. Talk to you later.

With love,

💬 Can you relate to this? Have you ever been told to “understand” when you deserved better? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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