Living with PMDD: A Battle Within

February 20, 2025

Hello, my amazing readers.

How are you all doing? As I’m writing this, it’s a Monday, and yesterday, my period decided to make a grand entrance—uninvited, as usual.

Here’s a fun fact about me: I struggle with PMDD—Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m Liberian by nationality, but I’ve been in the U.S. since I was four years old. Growing up, PMDD was never something I heard about, but looking back, I realize I’ve been battling it for a long time. Was I born this way? Did I unlock it like a secret level in a video game? No clue.

I think back to high school—when I felt so lost that I tried not to be here anymore. My method? Overdosing on birth control pills. It didn’t work (thank God), but back then, I was on a mission. My feminine health has always been a rollercoaster, and let’s just say—this is one ride I’d love to get off of.

The Rollercoaster of Birth Control and My IUD Experience

I’ve tried so many types of birth control, and each one had different effects on me:

• The Shot – Imagine feeling like you’re grieving something… but you don’t even know what. That was me. No thanks.

• The Arm Implant – Same thing. Why do they make this stuff?

• The Pill – If you’ve ever wanted to feel like you’re having an out-of-body experience while your hormones throw a rave party, 10/10 would not recommend.

Then I found the non-hormonal IUD. and while it’s been the best option so far, I still get nervous. So many of my friends have had horror stories—some even had to get their appendix removed! I try to tell myself, Maybe they had the hormonal one, and mine is different… But honestly, who really knows?

PMDD Feels Like Psychological Warfare

Recently, I’ve been trying Happy Cycle by AZO—a supplement meant to help with stress and anxiety during my period. If it works, I’ll keep you all updated. (Spoiler alert: If it doesn’t, you’ll probably hear me rant about it in another blog post.)

Unlike some who casually say, I have PMDD, I’ve actually been diagnosed by a physician. But despite this, my clinic isn’t exactly checking in with me like a concerned bestie. This disorder isn’t something to just leave by the wayside.

Every month, my mind turns into an episode of “Survivor,” except I’m stuck on the island alone, battling:

• Anxiety through the roof

• **Random emotional breakdown

• I feel like I’m not good enough.

• I become overly emotional.

• I fight with loved ones.

• I cry for no reason—or I find a reason, so I don’t feel crazy.

• It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest.

• Everything suddenly feels like a race I can’t win.

And when I finally get my period? It doesn’t bring relief—it brings instability, anxiety, and insecurity.

Medication: A Double-Edged Sword

I know some people say, Just take medication for it, but it’s deeper than that. I don’t want to self-medicate, yet I also don’t trust the medications doctors prescribe. I’ve seen how quickly one medication turns into four or five.

To take a pill for this, I need to feel comfortable with it. And right now? I just don’t.

Finding Peace in the Chaos

Despite everything, I keep telling myself:

• I’m going to be okay.

• I’m going to be fine.

• This is all going to work itself out.

I tell myself that this is part of God’s plan, and that the universe will bring me clarity, peace, and harmony. And then one day, the storm passes, and I can breathe again.

To Every Woman Struggling with PMDD: You Are Not Alone

When I got my official PMDD diagnosis, I felt free—because finally, I could name what I was going through. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t alone.

I wish I could hug every woman struggling with PMDD and tell her:

You are wanted. You are seen. You are free.

I dream of a mocha tea blend that could take all these symptoms away. Not coffee—something soothing, something healing. I wish I could call up Mark Zuckerberg and tell him to market it.

But since I can’t do that, I’ll do this: If you have something that helps you, please share it with me.

Loneliness Hits Differently