Breaking Free from Baby Mama Drama: A Love Letter to Moms Who Do It All

~ Checking In and Keeping It Real ~Hey there, lovely readers!

I just wanted to check in and share some real thoughts with you today. I know many of you can relate, especially those navigating the world of baby mama drama. As much as I hate the term “baby mama,” I find myself in that position. I didn’t marry him before having kids, and now here I am, raising my daughter, Kamela, all on my own. It wasn’t the plan, but it’s my reality.

I think a lot of women, especially those with children, deal with the pressure to get their children’s father involved, whether they had a father in their life or not. Society tells us women that we need this — that we need a father figure to show up. But when you’re doing it alone, you can’t help but wonder: “Am I falling short?”

The Bare Minimum: Why It’s Not Enough

I’ve been there — the people who tell me I should be happy with the bare minimum. “At least he’s doing something,” they say. Well, let me tell you, I don’t think “something” is enough. If I were a man, I’d get excuses for the bare minimum. But as a woman, the expectation is that I provide everything.

And let’s not sugarcoat it: Society doesn’t give women the luxury of doing the bare minimum. We’re expected to be superheroes. But, here’s what I’ve realized — it’s not our job to force someone to show up. It’s not our burden to make someone be the father they should be. I’ve spent years trying to create the ideal family scenario where Kamela has both parents actively involved, but it’s time to stop that. It’s not on me to get a man to be a father. It’s his responsibility, not mine.

As single mothers, we often hear things like, “You’re doing great,” or “He’ll come around,” but let’s be honest. We don’t need just empty words — we need action. Single moms shouldn’t have to beg or ask for help. We’re the backbone of our families, and our effort is priceless.

The Pressure We Put on Ourselves: You Are Enough

As mothers, we carry so much weight on our shoulders. We feel this unspoken pressure to be everything to everyone — to be the provider, the nurturer, the teacher. But here’s the thing: We are enough.

I’ve been so cruel to myself in the past, pushing myself to the brink trying to live up to expectations — my own, society’s, and those of the people around me. But let me tell you, I’ve come to realize: You don’t have to do it all. You’re already doing enough.

“You are a queen in your own right, mama.” — that’s one thing I’ve learned to tell myself every day. You’re not just a single mom; you’re a superhero, juggling a thousand things and keeping your family afloat. Even when no one is watching, you’re working hard to make sure everything runs smoothly. Your strength is unmatched.

I always had high expectations for myself, maybe because I didn’t want to repeat the mistakes I saw growing up. I wanted Kamela to have everything I didn’t. I wanted her to have stability, happiness, and a future. And I thought the only way to give her that was to make things work with her father. But now, I see it clearly — I was trying to fix something that was never meant to be fixed.

For a long time, I thought I had to carry the weight of my relationship with Kamela’s father. I wanted my daughter to have a complete family. But in doing that, I forgot about myself.

The Struggles of Motherhood: Balancing Expectations

Being a mom means you’re expected to give 100%, but no one expects you to get anything back. It’s the part of motherhood that’s often unspoken. You give and give, and sometimes all you get in return is a thankless moment. When I think back to those tough times, especially in my relationship with Kamela’s father, I realize how easy it was for him to get away with doing the bare minimum while I carried everything.

I can remember countless nights when I worked until midnight, helping him find jobs, doing the laundry, paying the bills, and being there for Kamela. He would disappear, making excuses for why he couldn’t contribute, while I kept the household running. And I thought, “Is this it? Is this all I get?” But let me tell you, ladies — your effort is too amazing to have thrown back in your face.

In the movie For Colored Girls, one of the characters said, “My love is too sanctified to have thrown back in my face.” That’s how I feel about everything I’ve given — it’s sacred. The consistency, the love, the sacrifices we make — they are too sacred to be discarded.

Learning to Let Go: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

I struggled with the idea of having another child, partly because of my experience with Kamela’s father. I didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I was scared of being in a situation where I would be doing it all over again — alone. But I realized that I had to let go of that fear. I’m not perfect, and I won’t pretend to be, but I know that I’ve done enough.

Being a mother means accepting that you can’t control everything. It’s easy to feel like you’re failing when things don’t go according to plan, but I want to remind you: You’re not failing. You’re surviving. You’re thriving. And that is enough.

I think of those dark days when Kamela’s father and I were living together. It felt like I was drowning, trying to keep everything afloat while he checked out mentally and emotionally. I remember my mom saying she didn’t understand how we ended up together. Our worlds were so different, and I realize now how true that was. He wasn’t ready to be a father, and I wasn’t ready to carry that weight alone.

But I did. And that’s what I need you to know — you don’t have to stay in situations that drain you, even for the sake of your child. You can create a better life for both of you, just by choosing to stand up and move forward.

The Real Talk: Let’s Uplift Each Other, Mamas

I want to create a space for women who are doing this alone. We don’t need to be “single mothers” or “baby mamas.” We are mothers who do things single-handedly, but that doesn’t mean we’re weak. It means we’re strong. We’re surviving, we’re thriving, and most importantly, we’re doing it our way.

“You’re not a single mom; you’re a solo superstar.”

So, to all the mamas out there holding it down, this is your reminder: You’re doing an amazing job. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you otherwise. Your effort matters. You matter. Your consistency is brilliant, and your strength is unmatched.

Conclusion: You’ve Got This, Mama!

At the end of the day, a single mother always wins. God created a job for two, but one woman is out here accomplishing it. We may not have control over the actions of others, but we do have control over our own destiny. You’re enough. You’re doing great. Keep your head high, your peace protected, and always remember: You are worthy of love, appreciation, and respect.

“A single mother’s love is unstoppable.”

You’ve got this, mama.

With love,

Mo

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