The Importance of Setting Standards and Knowing Your Worth in Relationships

Hello, everybody! How are you all doing? How are you feeling? Today was an eventful day for me. I got in the car with my parents and went to my God-sister’s house because I wanted to drop off some money for her. She’s getting married soon, and I wanted to show her some love and support. I thought offering financial help to assist in her wedding planning was the best way to do so.

While we were in the car, a conversation sparked between my parents and me. It was something I found so interesting, and I think it’s worth sharing. My father mentioned a lady he works with who has two kids. She was speaking loudly in the break room, where everyone could hear, and she said that any man who wants to be with her must be financially stable. She added that she spends a lot of money on her hair, her wardrobe, and maintaining herself, and she is not a low-maintenance woman. She made it clear that the man she’s going to be with has to understand that and be willing to financially contribute to her lifestyle.

My Dad’s Reaction: Understanding vs. Disagreement

My dad was disgusted by the fact that this woman was so upfront about it. He felt that it wasn’t the right way for a woman to approach a relationship, and he didn’t understand her standards. He kept pointing out that this woman already had two children, so how could she demand a certain financial stability from a man? Why couldn’t she just work with whoever she ends up with, no matter what they have? My dad also asked, “What happened to love? Why is financial stability the first thing on her mind? Why not love?”

I was deeply offended by my dad’s perspective. I decided to explain to him why I didn’t think this woman was wrong. I reminded him of the historical context: a long time ago, women were treated as property, unable to make decisions for themselves. Their families decided who they would marry, and men came to the table with finances as a priority. In those times, a man had to prove his ability to provide security before he could even speak to a woman. The man who offered the most security won the woman’s hand in marriage.

I also mentioned that today, women are no longer content with being treated as property. The world teaches our daughters to think about love, to think about the future, and to seek a partner who truly values them. But the world also teaches men to take advantage of women, using love for sexual gratification, without thinking about the future or long-term commitment. Women often enter relationships with the hope of love, while men often enter with the mindset that sex feels good. In many cases, men don’t value the woman from the start if they haven’t earned her affection. Women have been tricked by words and perceptions for too long.

The Shift in Relationship Dynamics: Women Deserve More

My dad argued that men are expected to provide, and that should be assumed. I disagreed with this point because, in many cases, men step into situations, sleep with women, and then walk away without offering anything in return. Women have come to realize that if the situation isn’t going anywhere, they should expect something upfront because they aren’t going to just be used and discarded.

I don’t believe that it’s “modern-day prostitution” for women to be upfront about what they want. It’s a matter of leveling the playing field. Why is it that a woman has to offer her body and be discarded afterward, while men don’t feel the need to contribute anything financially? In the past, a man had to show he could provide security before even approaching a woman. Why should that expectation have changed?

The Reality of Relationships: Settling vs. Demanding Respect

My mother chimed in with her own perspective, saying that men today can be manipulative. She argued that many men know exactly what they want in a woman and what kind of future they want with her. But when a man isn’t financially stable or hasn’t reached his goals, he may settle for a woman who is willing to help him get to where he wants to be. My mom metaphorically described it as men stepping on women’s backs to climb the ladder of success. This happens when a man doesn’t have much to offer and is with a woman who accepts “good enough” because she believes in the potential for growth.

The problem is, once these men become successful, they often leave the women who helped them get there. They turn to someone who reflects their newfound success. This pattern has repeated itself too many times. A man will be with a certain woman while he’s struggling, but once he becomes financially stable, he seeks someone who mirrors that success. This leaves the woman who stood by him feeling betrayed and taken advantage of.

A Personal Reflection: Don’t Settle, Know Your Worth

This brings me to the importance of never settling in relationships. I’ve always encouraged women to have their own goals and work on building their own success. Don’t sit idly by while helping someone else catch up. Build your own wealth and create your own opportunities. Because if things don’t work out, you won’t feel as though you wasted your life waiting for someone who didn’t give you the same in return.

From personal experience, I can tell you that choosing love over financial stability can lead to difficult situations. I made the mistake of settling in a relationship, hoping love would be enough to carry me through. My child’s father was unable to contribute much, and I ended up doing everything: paying for things, managing finances, taking care of everything because he couldn’t. He would always say that he wasn’t in a position to do more, and I thought I should be understanding and patient.

But once we broke up, I saw how easily he could do things for someone else that he couldn’t do for me. It hurt because I had spent so much of my energy believing that if I stuck by him, things would get better. In the end, I realized that I had been settling for less than what I deserved.

Looking back, I wish I hadn’t stayed as long as I did. I believe there were many opportunities that I missed out on, many things I could’ve accomplished had I not been so focused on sticking with someone who wasn’t in the right place. I regret staying longer than I should have, but I’m proud of what I have now – my beautiful daughter. However, I know that my life trajectory could have been so different if I hadn’t settled for a relationship where I felt like I was carrying all the weight.

A Woman’s Standard Shouldn’t Be Silenced

Now, back to the woman my dad was talking about. She has kids, and she’s learned to move differently. She’s not just thinking about herself – she has children to consider. If she’s going to be with a man, that man must be ready to contribute, not just for her, but for her children as well. This is completely understandable. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her requiring financial stability from the start. A man who truly wants to be with her must accept that responsibility.

Why should women have to silence their demands just to avoid offending men? Why should they have to downplay what they need and want in a relationship just because men might feel inadequate? I respect that this woman was upfront about her standards from the beginning, and I believe it’s important for women to do the same.

Personal Growth: Realizing Love Shouldn’t Come at the Expense of Me

One of the most pivotal moments in my life was when I realized that love shouldn’t come at the expense of my dreams, security, and personal well-being. For a long time, I believed that being in love meant sacrificing parts of myself, including my emotional and financial stability. I used to handle everything on my own, especially in relationships, convinced that I had to take on the burden to make things work.

However, a major turning point came when I realized that taking care of everything wasn’t only overwhelming—it was unsafe. I began to see that I had been excusing the lack of support from my partners, thinking that I could just handle it. But I wasn’t just handling it—I was bearing a heavy load alone, which ultimately compromised my peace and safety.

Since then, I’ve made it a point to set clear boundaries in my relationships. Now, I allow myself to receive support from my partner, especially in areas like financial stability, which I used to take on completely. I’ve learned that true love means mutual support, and I no longer feel the need to prove my strength by doing everything by myself.

Boundaries and Financial Support: Changing the Narrative

Setting boundaries has been one of the most empowering decisions I’ve made. In my past relationships, I was always the one taking on all the responsibilities, particularly financial ones. I thought that’s what I needed to do to feel secure, but the reality was that I was doing it because I didn’t trust my partner to contribute.

Looking back, I made excuses for why I had to do it all. I believed I was the only one who could handle the situation, especially in the relationship with my child’s father. But this mindset made me feel unsafe and unsupported. I’ve learned that it’s okay to let my partner share those responsibilities, and now I feel more secure and balanced knowing that I’m not doing everything alone.

It was a tough lesson, but one I’ll never forget: just because I can do everything doesn’t mean I should. And I’m no longer willing to carry the weight of everything by myself.

Shifting My Perspective: No More Sacrificing Myself for Love

Now that I’ve grown and learned from my past experiences, I know one thing for sure—I’ll never sacrifice myself for the sake of a relationship again. It’s essential for me to feel secure and supported, and I won’t settle for anything less.

Whether it’s waiting for marriage before having children or ensuring that major life decisions are made with stability in mind, I’ve learned to prioritize my needs. I’m no longer willing to let age or societal pressures dictate my choices, especially when it comes to settling down or making big decisions that affect my future.

In relationships now, I look for stability and safety. It’s not enough just to like someone or be loved. What matters most to me is finding a partner who respects my boundaries, supports my dreams, and makes me feel emotionally and financially safe.

The Role of Stability in Relationships

Stability is key for me, and it goes beyond just the surface level of love and attraction. Right now, I’m in a relationship, but I’ve learned that having a safe, stable foundation is what makes a relationship truly work. Without it, no amount of affection can make up for the lack of security and support.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: in any relationship, both partners need to bring stability into the equation. I want someone who makes me feel secure—someone who complements my life, rather than someone I have to constantly take care of. That’s what real love looks like to me now: mutual respect, support, and an unwavering commitment to each other’s well-being.

Conclusion: Empowering Women to Demand What They Deserve

Women should be able to speak their truth and set clear expectations in relationships. Just because society says we should settle for “good enough” doesn’t mean we should. We don’t have to compromise on our needs and desires for the sake of love. Love is important, but stability and self-worth are just as vital.

The time for women to settle has passed. We have to empower ourselves to demand respect, honesty, and financial stability – not just for ourselves, but for our families as well. Let’s stop letting love blind us to the realities of what we truly deserve.

If you’ve found yourself settling for less than you deserve or compromising on your standards, I’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments below, or reach out to me on social media. Let’s continue this conversation and empower each other to never settle for less than we deserve.

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